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English is the most widely spoken language in the history of our planet, used in some way by at least one out of every seven human beings around the world. English has acquired the largest vocabulary of all the world's languages, perhaps as many as two million words. However, it is now time to face the fact that English is a crazy language – perhaps the most crazy of all languages.

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Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

If the truth be told, all languages are a little crazy. As Walt Whitman might proclaim, they contradict themselves. That's because language is invented, not discovered, by boys and girls and men and women, not computers. As such, language reflects the creative and fearful asymmetry of the human race, which, of course, isn't really a race at all.

American hospitality begins at home – especially when it involves food. Most Americans agree that good home cooking beats restaurant food anyway. When invited for a meal, you might ask, "Can I bring anything?" Unless it's a potluck, where everyone brings a dish, the host will probably respond, "No, just yourself." For most informal dinners, you should wear comfortable, casual clothes. Plan to arrive on time, or else call to inform your host of the delay. During the dinner conversation, it's customary to compliment the host on the wonderful meal. Of course, the biggest compliment is to eat lots of food!

Americans usually like to have advance notice when people come to see them. Only very close friends drop by unannounced. This is especially true if the guests want to stay for a few days. Here's a good rule of thumb for house guests: Short stays are best. As one 19th-century French writer put it, "The first day a man is a guest, the second a burden, the third a pest." Even relatives usually don't stay for several weeks at a time. While you're staying with an American family, try to keep your living area neat and tidy. Your host family will appreciate your consideration. And they may even invite you back!