A television ad features a ship drifting on a twinkling ocean as the voice-over intones words to this effect, "When was the last time the world revolved around you？" Whenever my husband and I see this, we can't help but laugh. Pointing to our daughter, we shout, "When didn't it？"
But it's a rueful chuckle (苦笑). Somehow our family does revolve around our child: her sports, her homework, her social commitments. My husband and I have lives too. It's just that we must fit them into whatever scrap of time is left over.
Somewhere in the last two generations, we shifted our focus from marriage as the family foundation to children. It's been a subtle change, and you have to look closely to see its impact on marriage.
Compare the time your parents spent exclusively together to the amount you and your mate do. Parents of earlier generations went out on Saturday nights. Today's families cart the kids to parties with family friends. Is it good for the parents and kids to be together？
Parents once supported each other's needs, and children's preferences came second. "Turn off that television. Your father deserves some peace when he comes home" and "No, you can't sit in the front. That's your mother's seat" were perfectly reasonable things to say. Many couples took half an hour at the day's end to share a drink and conversation. Children were expected to play independently.
Bedroom doors were closed and parents' beds sacred. Sex was an adult secret enjoyed by parents who were confident that their children wouldn't walk in without knocking. Now, parents can't find time or privacy. Children centeredness has gone too far.
How did we make marital love second to parental love？
The increasing balance of power between the sexes that resulted from women achieving more economic independence cut ruthlessly into the time women have for their children. A marriage- centered family was once a father-centered family. Parents spent time together when Dad came home. Today Mum might spend that half hour reading a story to her son. He too wants to reconnect, and in a child-centered family, that takes precedence. When time is limited, we put our children first.
Dad's position has been eroded by the demands of an ever more competitive childhood. Child experts have shown us the benefits of early stimulation, socializing, being read aloud to. To afford a child these advantages requires 1,000 gymnastics visits, music lessons, tutoring.
Intellectual achievements are all fast-tracked now too. Children arrive in kindergarten having long since learned the letters and colours once lovingly taught during that first year of school. And good schools are the ones assigning more homework, requiring more parent participation.
What is the author's attitude towards children centeredness？